Everyday Pain

"He will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler." Psalm 91:4

This is my heart's cry tonight.  Anyone else relate?

As tears glide gently down my cheeks, I find myself wishing I could lay my head down on God's lap. I picture Him tenderly stroking my hair as He quietly shh-es me. 

With the REALLY hard things I know people are dealing with, I'm almost embarrassed to share my pain tonight.  I have a high school friend who found out last week that her child has a brain tumor.  THAT is REAL pain.  My stuff doesn't even come close.  It's more like normal, everyday pain.  But I'm still aching. 

1.  I am wearied by a prolonged issue at church.  Just when I think things are resolved and settled, it pops back up.  People are messy (I am messy!) and when you work with messy people, life sometimes gets, well, messy.  I'm ready to be clean.  I am ready to move on.  And I wish others were, too.

Battling through the emotions of all that this afternoon, this next part came as a huge blow:

2.  My friend told me tonight she's moving. 


These two things together just wore me down tonight.  I don't really have words to express what I'm feeling right now.  I think that's why the picture of just resting on God's lap- not speaking, but Him knowing- is so comforting.  I'm sad and hurt and angry and lonely.  I feel abandoned, battered, and wounded.  I also feel foolish, for like I mentioned earlier, other people are actually going through awful things right now.  I feel ungrateful...I have so many blessings in my life, and I choose to focus on the two hard spots?

Even as I ache, I know tomorrow will be better.  The sun will rise, and with it all of God's new mercies.  I am thankful for new mercies.  God is working on my heart.  He is refining me, conforming me to the image of His Son.  That is the desire of my heart.  May it be so, Lord. May it be so.