So what did YOU do last night?

I'm not sure what any of you did last night, but I passed out, naked, on the toilet.

(Disclaimer: If you are bothered by poop or nakedness, you have my permission to stop reading right now. If, however, you are intrigued by the first sentence in this post, then by all means continue reading...)

We had come home from a fun night in Kearney. We got together with some good friends for dinner in a local state rec area. After dinner, we took turns kayaking around the lake with the kids. As the sun was slipping beneath the horizon, we decided it was time to head home. On our way, Lige stopped at Baskin Robbins for me. I enjoyed every sip of my Cookies in Cream milk shake.

We got home and put the kids to bed.

I decided to take a bath. It was wonderful. I had the lights down low and the water was so warm and had it been safe, I could have fallen asleep right there. When the water turned tepid, I got out and put on my bath robe. With the air conditioner on and the fans going, I got a chill, so I crawled into bed with my robe on. I must have fallen asleep.

Some time later, I awoke to the sound of Lige in the kitchen and a stabbing pain in my abdomen. I rolled over to see if that would help. It didn't. By the time Lige got in our room a few minutes later, I was in some serious pain. Just as I was starting to fear I was in preterm labor, my stomach gurgled loud enough for Lige to hear.

I got up to pace, because I knew I wasn't quite ready to, well, you know. Suddenly feeling much too warm, I flung off my bath robe, leaving me, well, you know. I walked into the bathroom not sure if I was going to poop or throw up.

I felt the blood rush from my head because of the pain. I got down on the floor and balled up. Lige stood in the door way wondering what in the world was going on. After another gurgle, I climbed onto the toilet. Lige moved the shower curtain so I could puke into the tub if I needed to do that, too.

The pain was crazy, I was swaying there naked on the toilet, and my face felt cold and clammy. I was seeing spots and felt like I was blinking a lot. I'm pretty sure there was groaning involved. I was beginning to become fearful. And then suddenly I was better.

Well, I might have felt better, but Lige was having a mini-heart attack. Apparently, I sort of slumped to the side, banging my head on the towel rack. At first Lige thought I was just resting my head there, but then he realized I wasn't moving. He ran over and looked at me. He said my eyes were wide open, but the rest of me was pretty lifeless. He grabbed my face and started calling my name. He said it probably wasn't very long, 30 seconds to a minute. But long enough for him to wonder if he should call 911. (btw, can you imagine the poor EMTs stumbling upon that scene? Me, passed out, naked, on the toilet?!)

I came to by the sound of running water and the most refreshing coolness on my cheek. I gazed sleepily at Lige with a smile. He was holding my face and saying my name. He never says my name. He kept saying, "Stay with me Dusty. No, don't look down, look at my eyes. Do you know what just happened?" I smiled a sleepy smile again and shook my head no. He told me I had passed out...naked...on the toilet. His eyes were full of love and fear and relief and urgency. He had splashed my face with cool water...the refreshing coolness I had felt. As I sat there, my body finished up what it had started 15 minutes earlier. I felt much better, just tired and shaky.

And that was it. Lige is pretty sure it was brought on by my delicious Cookies and Cream shake. Baby is fine and has been moving all day.

Lige didn't find any of this funny last night, but he sure does today! He's been asking me all day if I'm about to pass out. Like he just did a minute ago while I was in the bathroom. And honestly, every time I think of it, it makes me smile. Seriously. I was naked. Passed out. On a toilet!