Here's the finished dress:
We are relatively new in the world of 4H. There are tons of details, procedures, and paperwork. I feel overwhelmed most of the time. However, I see the incredibly benefits of 4H. It provides amazing educational opportunities and confidence-boosting experiences. The kids learn important skills - handiwork, business, and social skills- that will carry them far in their future.
But some of those experiences can be scary to a timid, easily embarrassed 10 year old. Ok, MY timid, easily embarrassed 10 year old. New experiences frighten her. She panics at the thought of "making a fool" of herself. (She actually said those words to me.) As her mother I have seen this kind of stage fright bubble up in her before. The poor girl is my first born, so I didn't handle her tears well when she was young. I've gotten better. I hate knowing how excited she is about something and then watching as fear overwhelms her and steals the joy of her experience. It breaks my mama heart.
Guess what? If you enter a dress into the fair, you have to 1) Model it for a judge and 2) Be interviewed by a judge who will critique your workmanship. Uh....Yikes. Even for me. Can you imagine how Amana felt?
Her sewing teacher also happened to have 14 years of 4H experience under her belt and coached Amana in modeling and interviewing. We came home and practiced and practiced and practiced.
The morning of the big day, Amana was a ball of nerves. She got teary a time or two before we even left the house. I had sent an email out to a few of you, asking you to pray for her. Thank you! I took this opportunity to share 2 Corithians 12:9 with Amana. "My grace is sufficient for you. For my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me." Sound familiar? That's because God has been teaching ME that for the past year or seven, and I've shared pieces of what I've learned with you on this blog. I shared with Amana that being scared was a way she felt weak. I encouraged her to ask God for help. I tried to teach her about the last part of the verse: boasting in our weaknesses. Boasting in our weaknesses doesn't mean we say, "O look at what a big loser I am! Hooray!" It means, "I was scared that I couldn't do this, but I asked God for help, and He helped me. God is so good!" I reminded her that as she tells others about her experience to be sure to include how much God helped her.
We arrived at the fairgrounds and checked in. Amana was given 2 cards, one for the revue (modeling) and one for sewing construction. We were told where to change and where to wait. The waiting is the worst...that's when all her fears churn and look for a place to leak out. And that's exactly what happened. Her fear began leaking out her sweet blue eyes, and as she wiped the tears away, she looked up and me and said, "I can't do this."
I told her that I believed she could and that I knew God would help her.
And then I walked away.
Through the years of stage fright and meltdowns, I've learned one painful truth. Amana does fine until she finds me in the crowd, smiling encouragingly like any mom should, and that's when she falls apart. So I took my mama heart and walked away.
Thankfully, that just so happened to be exactly when Miss Dara walked up. From afar I watched as Miss Dara chatted with Amana, calming and relaxing her while they waited. Then she was up!
From a distance, I watched as Amana shined. Really. She was graceful, poised, smiling. She did her pivots and turns, she kept her eyes on the judge and she remembered to say thank you when she was done. I was so proud. But something in her eyes still haunts me. It was a big-eyed look of a little girl longing to be enough. I could hear her thoughts from those eyes, "Am I pretty? Am I doing this right? Am I enough?" You mamas of little girls, have you ever seen this look in their eyes? O how I long for her to find her acceptance and worth in Christ alone. How do you instill that? O Lord, help me guide my daughters to You.
Once the fashion revue part was over, it was time to go to the construction interview judging. That's where they look at your garment, inside and out, looking for interesting details or mistakes. While doing this, they ask questions about how long they've sewed, what the hardest part was, what kind of help did they need, etc. Having come out alive after the fashion revue, Amana's confidence was flourishing and she did amazing during her interview. It helped that she didn't have to wait this time. She sat up straight, gave answers consisting of more than just "yes" or "no". Then she was done.
She was so funny when she was done. She was so happy she was giddy. She acted like she hadn't spent much of the morning in a knot of nerves. She talked about how great she felt and how proud she was of herself and how she knew God was with her. I am so glad for this experience. As she learns to push through fear with God's help, she will be able to do other hard things in life. And isn't that a part of life anyway? Pushing through hard to get to the joy.
Wednesday evening was the Public Fashion Show. For this part they had a REAL runway for the kids to model. Amana had turned in a narrative about herself and her dress which was read during her time on the runway. She wasn't nervous or scared this time! She basically does this kind of stuff at home all the time! Isn't she just the cutest?!
I think she's pretty pleased, don't you?!
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