Doing our best

A few days ago one of my children asked to change Lucy's diaper and get her into her jammies.  In the process Lucy was squirmy and crying and ended up peeing all over our bed.  The older child burst into tears.  She said, "I was doing my best but Lucy kept crying so loud and kept crawling away and now it's a big mess and I'm so upset about it!"

I hugged her and told her it was okay.  I helped her finish getting Lucy changed.  Then I had her help me change the sheets.  After all this she was still crying and quite upset.  She said again, "I was doing my best but it was just so hard."

As a parent how often have I told my kids to "just do your best"?  Whether its in sports or school or any other of a hundred things, I know I've given that pep talk.  Even as a well-meaning Christian parent I have just put a God-spin on it.  You know, "God just wants you to do your best.  As long as you do your best, that's what matters." 

 But is that completely true?  If that's all there is to it, what happens when circumstances prove that our best simply just didn't cut it?   When we fall short?

When my daughter looked up at me with tear-rimmed, questioning eyes I said,  "You know what?  Sometimes we can do our best and it just isn't good enough.  This is actually a really good lesson for us.  Because our best is never good enough.  And learning that shows us just how much we need a Savior.  Jesus is always good enough.  And we need Him in our lives."

I'm not writing this to horrify you with my self-esteem-stripping parenting.  I'm not writing this to demonstrate my oh-so-holy parenting prowess. I am simply recording this for me.  It's a lesson I am learning myself.  One of my constant battles is dealing with inadequacy.   I am not the wife I long to be. I have a long list of mothering short falls.  I often feel like a fake and a phony before the Lord.  Just not enough.  After Lucy was born, and I was struggling, yet again, with anxiety, I bemoaned to a friend.  This sweet friend said, "You know this isn't a breastfeeding issue, right?"  I started to say how yes, I knew that it was more of an anxiety and trust thing, when she ever-so-gently interrupted with, "It's an inadequacy thing.  It always has been for you.  But it's good, because we are all inadequate.  And we all need Jesus." 

I am thanking the Lord for a friend willing to tell me the truth.  And I pray someday for a daughter to be thankful her mama was willing to tell her the truth, too.

Thank you, Lord, for teaching me this lesson.  Again.  Because I needed it.  Again.  Thank you that I don't have to be good enough.  Thank you that my inadequacy provides a way for you to shine your greatness.  I pray that I would learn not to fear inadequacy, but that it would serve as a reminder of my need for you and your abundant faithfulness.  {But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."} 2 Corinthians 12:9