We left off with Lucy in the NICU, going into her second day of a 5 day hospital stay. I promise not to bore you with every detail of each of those long days. But there are a few things I'd like to capture here.
Wednesday Lucy had a chest x-ray to determine whether the fluid in her lungs was from meconium or just the normal fluid in a baby's lungs. Thankfully it was just normal fluid that would re-absorb into her lungs on its own...it would just take time. On Tuesday we were told it normally cleared up in 4-6 hours. On Wednesday we were told it could take from 24-48 hours to re-absorb. As the days wore on, and Lucy's respirations were still too high, we were told that some babies need up to 72 hours for the fluid to re-absorb. This was so hard for me, because it meant I still could not feed her. The pediatrician in charge of her care told me that I would not be able to feed her until her respirations were under 70 for three consecutive hours. It was determined that Lucy was going to be getting hungry and the IV fluids weren't going to cut it anymore. A gavage feeding tube was placed. They began giving her one ounce of formula every three hours. I pumped an hour before she was to eat, and whatever I collected was used first and topped off with formula. So I pumped and prized my breast milk like the liquid gold it was. It was very special to me when my breast milk finally accounted for more than half her feeding, and then, later in the week, her entire feeding.
As a precautionary measure, Lucy was started on IV antibiotics. This would have to be administered for 48 hours, which would mean we'd be in the NICU till Friday at the earliest. This was hard news to hear. I wanted my baby. I missed my other kiddos at home. The sweet nurses kept telling us Lucy was doing great: that every other thing they could check was perfect. They reminded us that TTN was a very simple, uncomplicated problem that would clear up on its own. I asked these poor nurses the same questions over and over again. And each time they answered me with patience and kindness.
Wednesday was a hard day for me. In fact, I was a mess all day. Every time I talked to someone, I would cry. Every time someone called, I would cry. Every time a guest came, I would cry. I would cry when I got to the NICU and saw Lucy so helpless. I would cry when I would leave her sweetness in the NICU to eat or shower. I cried all day long.
Wednesday was a hard day for Lige as well. Wednesday morning, we still weren't sure what we were in for, so Lige decided to go home to visit the kids and shower and grab a few things we'd need for an extended hospital stay. There was a CD playing in the car as he travelled to and from Minden. My mother-in-law had purchased it for me at a conference we had gone to together. If you are familiar with Beth Moore, then you'll probably be familiar with her worship leader, Travis Cottrell. Later (on our trip home, actually) Lige told me that he had to listen to a particular song several times as he struggled to get his heart right. He played it for me as we finally travelled home with our precious baby girl. Here are the lyrics to the song (the bold words italicized are particular words that ministered to either Lige or I):
My Inheritance
What is silver or gold
Or anything I could hold (how could I NOT think of Lucy here...when I wanted so desperately for her to be in my arms)
Compared to You, compared to You
What is fame and success; it's all just vain emptiness
Compared to You, compared to You
All that You hold in store is all that I want, O Lord
Chorus
I will shout, I will sing
Jesus you're my everything
You're my treasure, my inheritanceI am rich, I am blessed
In your love and faithfulness
You're my treasure and forever
You are my inheritance.
My name has been changed
From sinner to saint
Because of You, because of You
Now You call me Your own
I know heaven's my home
Because of You, because of You
All that You hold in store is all that I want, O Lord
Chorus
Bridge
All that You hold in store is all that I want, O Lord
All that You hold in store is all that I want, O Lord (Over and over Lige listened to this song focusing on these words. Really? ALL that God holds, even a sick baby in the NICU? It might have taken some time, but we both finally got to the point that YES, ALL THAT GOD HOLDS IN STORE IS TRUELY WHAT WE WANTED. Why? Because our God was in control. Because He was holding Lucy tighter that we could. Because His glory was at stake.
Chorus
You are my inheritancewill sing
Jesus, You're my everything
You're my treasure, my inheritance
I am rich, I am blessed
In Your love and faithfulness
You're my treasure and forever
You're my inheritance
Yep, Wednesday was a hard day. But our God was with us. We had His people who lifted us up in prayer. We had His truth that we clung to day and night. And we had each other.
One problem I faced while Lucy was in the NICU was determining what I was and was not able to do with her or for her. She looked so fragile with all her wires and cords. The nurses were always in and out with such comforting authority...which made me feel like my baby wasn't really MY BABY. If we had been home, I would have fed her when she rooted at me. But I couldn't do that. Should I pick her up or keep her under the warmer? Because her condition was not considered serious, we were given pretty much free reign with her. But it was hard to believe and I felt so confused and uncertain. Thankfully I had my sister-in-law Andrea to help. She's the mom to 2 amazing boys who both got their start in the NICU. (She's also the mama to an amazing teenage daughter, a fact I wanted to include, though it adds nothing to the story!) Through text messaging, Andrea offered so much comfort and encouragement. She reminded me that Lucy really was MY BABY and that I was her mama. She helped me be more courageous in seeking the best care for Lucy. And she taught me the benefits of Kangaroo Care. It's a philosophy that says babies thrive when they are placed skin to skin on their mama or daddy's chest. They maintain body temperature better, their heart rates regulate, they stay more peaceful. On Thursday I nervously asked the nurse if I could give it a try. I was scared to ask, for fear they would tell me no. But our kind nurse said, "Oh yes, that's a great idea. And you don't even have to ask." She very sweetly helped Lucy and I get all settled in. It was great to snuggle my little one like that. Just remembering that sweet moment now brings tears to my eyes. I had carried her for nine months. For nine months she was with me for every second and I believed that if she was within me she would be okay. Then she was suddenly born and whisked off to the NICU and I felt I could hardly touch her for several days. To have Lucy on my skin so close, smelling her and feeling her nestled up against my breast reaffirmed to me that she was okay. That we both were. I haven't really told anyone this, but I really believe that it's the Kangaroo Care that day that finally caused Lucy to turn the corner.
(Lucy with Nurse Julie)
(finally tube free)Thursday night at 11 o'clock I received the news I had been waiting to here. Lucy's respirations had been under 70 for three hours, and I was finally going to get to feed her! I had just stepped out of the restroom when the nurse told me the news. I actually frolicked down the hallway to Lucy's room. Really. With big arm motions, too. I was one happy mama! The nurse helped me get all set up and asked if I needed anything. I said, "Maybe just an encouraging presence?" And she stayed with Lige and I as Lucy and I began our very first real feeding. I must brag on my girl-She latched on like a pro. :) Just like she had done it a hundred times. Big, open mouth, plenty of gulping and swallowing. It was a very sweet moment.
After her 11 o'clock feeding, her respirations went up again. We were told this was expected. We were also told that this was why they couldn't just discharge us as soon as her respirations were under 70. We couldn't take her home until she could eat safely and consistently. Because of high respirations, she was tube fed for her next feeding. I am pleased to tell you that Lucy was able to nurse every feeding after that!
I was officially discharged from Labor and Delivery on Thursday evening. We planned to spend the night in Lucy's NICU room, kicked back in recliners. Thankfully, however, we were told there was a Parents' Room we could stay in just across the hall from Lucy. It was like a plain hotel room: bed, table, television, bathroom. It was perfect. There were no windows, so it was pitch black, perfect for sleeping. I set the alarm to feed Lucy every 3 hours, and fell into restful sleep in between.
Friday was a great day. First off, it was our 11th anniversary. Lige and I left the hospital that morning to grab breakfast at Sonic. I had not been outside for 4 days, and the fresh air was good for my heart. We ate quickly and got back to the hospital. Throughout the day, cords and wires were removed from Lucy. First to go: the IV tube. The IV was still in place, but they unhooked her from the machine. Then later her oxygen monitor was gone. Over the next few hours, each tube and wire was removed. A big moment for me was when the nurse put Lucy in a little sleeper...she had been in nothing but a diaper all week. It was a joy to see our little girl in a regular sleeper, laying in the regular basinet, just looking like a regular newborn! We were told that Saturday morning we would be able to go home, as long as everything continued to improve.
LIge went and got us Hunan's Chinese to celebrate our anniversary. We ate in the little hospital/hotel room. Not our most romantic anniversary, but we had much to be thankful for as we remembered our 11 years as husband and wife. :)
Friday night we were allowed to room-in with Lucy in our room. We were allowed to let Lucy eat on demand, as long as she didn't go longer than 4 hours between feedings. The catch? I had to call the nurse before each feeding to come check her respirations. Things went pretty well. However, there was one feeding that her respirations were iffy. The nurse checked it again and made a comment that "we'll just use that second number." I was gripped with fear that we would not be able to take our baby girl home the next morning. I laid in bed panicking. Finally, I got up and went to the NICU station to talk with the nurse. I started crying as I told her my fear. She gave me a hug and told me we'd go check Lucy again. She did a 3 minute average, and Lucy's respirations were under 70. The nurse encouraged me that Lucy was okay and reaffirmed our Saturday morning discharge. Praise God!
Saturday was the typical discharge kind of day. The kind where you are ready to go NOW. But you have to wait for the doctor. You have to wait for paper work. You have to wait to load up the car. Wait. Wait. Wait. And this time as I waited, I was terrified that at any moment someone was going to come in and tell me our daughter had to stay! Finally, everything was done and we were ready. Lucy was in a cute going home outfit, complete with the sweater set I crocheted 8 1/2 years ago- the same sweater set each of my babies have worn home from the hospital. We took a going home photo of Lucy, then one of her and her last nurse. Then we were out the door, and on our way home. It was a joy like no other.
(First Family of Seven picture- with party hats!)
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