Lucy's Birth Story Part Four-The Never-ending Day

The nurse checks Lucy's vitals.  Then very casually says, "Hmm.  She's breathing a little fast.  I think I'll just have the NICU nurse come check her out."  I didn't think much of it.  The NICU nurse comes and places Lucy in the traveling bassinet to count her respirations.  After a few minutes she says, very simply and very non-threateningly, "We're just going to take her to the nursery for a little while and monitor her."  And they wheeled her out of the room.

I used this "little while" to shower and refresh.  I walked my mom and mother-in-law through our really exciting labor and delivery again.  They left to go eat lunch.  I ate my own.  And there was no Lucy.  Several hours had gone by.  No word.  No Lucy.  I sent Lige to find answers.  He came back with this:

"She is breathing too fast.  It should clear up in the next couple hours, but if it doesn't they will have to admit her into the NICU."  What?  What does this mean?  What should I do?  I was confused and upset.  Visitors were starting to arrive...we had no baby to show them.  And I'm sure they weren't there to see me.

A few hours went by.  I don't think I went to see Lucy in that time...I didn't know what to do.  I kept thinking that any minute they would bring her back to me and she would be fine.  I was worried about breastfeeding.  We had one successful feed in the hour after her birth, but it had been hours since then.  And then the decision was made: She was still breathing too fast and she was going to be admitted into the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.  I wanted to be swallowed up by the floor.

When  Lucy was first taken to the nursery, I adamantly told the nurse that she was not to be bathed without us present.  I know this sounds sort of silly.  But she was MY baby.  I wanted to be a part of that first bath.  When Amana was born, she spent a couple hours in the nursery, too.  And when they brought her back to me, she was all clean and smelling good in a nightgown and hat.  Being my first, I didn't know I was missing anything.  But when Anlynn came along, they were able to bathe her right in the room after I had held her naked body in a blanket for an hour.  I would not miss out on that with Lucy.  So when the decision to admit her into the NICU was made, Lige and I made our way over to the nursery.  Sweet Nurse Julie let me take part in Lucy's first bath.  It was one thing that helped me hold myself together on Tuesday.  One tiny piece of "normal".

After Lucy's bath, I was asked to leave while they inserted her IV.  I didn't want to leave.  I tried to stay.  Kind Nurse Julie said very gently that nurses do a better job when the scared mama isn't hovering over them.  I wanted it to be the easiest for Lucy, so I left the nursery, wandering alone back to my room.

The next time we went to visit Lucy she was like this:

 Lige's mom went home without getting hold her newest granddaughter.  Because good friends were watching our other kids, my mom was able to come see Lucy in the NICU before she went to gather them and take them home.  She snapped the following picture of us:

By this time Lucy was 7 or 8 hours old and her daddy had yet to hold her in his strong, protective arms.  He took this chance to snuggle in a chair with her and all her cords and wires.  I didn't know what to do.  I felt I had no job, no role in any of this.  The NICU nurses took care of everything.  She wasn't allowed to eat, so I didn't even have the role of feeder.  I felt exhausted, overwhelmed, and useless.

Transient Tachypnea of the Newborn (TTN) is Lucy's official diagnosis.  It means she is breathing more than 60 breaths a minute...she's actually breathing over 90 times a minute.  The most basic cause is simple fluid in the lungs, probably the result of such a short stay in the birth canal.  In this case you just have to wait until the fluid is absorbed by the body.  However, the high respirations could also indicate infection, pneumonia, heart problems, or persistent pulmonary hypertension.  When a baby breathes that quickly they cannot eat safely.  They risk aspirating the milk, which would lead to other horrible problems.  So this first day, Lucy is only allowed Dextrose, administered through her IV, to maintain her blood glucose levels.  They monitor her continuously with wires to check heart rate, oxygen levels and respirations.  They check her glucose levels and manually count her respirations every hour.  And I just sit there, stunned and useless.

I was so incredibly tired, that I finally went back to our room to rest.  We continued to have visitors.  I could barely muster enough energy to welcome them.  Everyone wants to see a new baby, and instead are greeted with a sad and tired mama.  Thankfully Lige was more gracious and stable than I was.

A nurse helped me start pumping breast milk.  This was an entirely new experience.  I had successfully nursed four children, each well past a year, but never with the aid of a breast pump.  It wasn't a delightful experience, but it gave me an important job to do every 3 hours.  It encouraged my heart to know I was now doing something at least.

I know this birth story is getting extremely long.  If I was writing it strictly for you,  I would have tried to condense it somehow.  But this is really for me, for Lige, for Lucy.  I want to remember every detail.  Every good thing, every scary thing, every time I was angry or confused or overwhelmed.  I want to remember each tiny blessing in the midst of all the uncertainty.  I want to remember what got us through this time: Our God and His people.  And so, there is still more to be written.  Trust me, I have adorable Lucy pictures to post.  And kids in Halloween costumes.  Thanksgiving dinner.  And more sweet Lucy pictures.  But for some reason, I just can't get to those until I finish Lucy's story.  Please bear with me!